Post 203) from Xanga

[artemisdart]

203) Have been cleaning out my old entries of World Wide Recipes from November and December, so that I can start the new year with a slimmed-down Hotmail account.

This entry, from November 5, is funny enough that I'd like to reprint it here. The theme for recipe submissions at the time was "A Local Specialty From My Corner of Recitopia" (or, as the rest of us call it, "the world"). Reader Karen Bollan in the UK posted this submission:

"Dear Chef, I'm not sure this classifies as a recipe or a food funny, but it occurred to me while pondering what I could send from my corner of the Empire.  I live in Bow, London.  This is the heart of the East End, home to Cockneys (who do NOT sound like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins).  [...] Pie and Mash is a 'delicacy' much prized by many people born and raised in the East End.  Please note that I have never heard of it being made at home and was an early version of fast food for poor Londoners.  Hence quantities and cooking times are all invented by me! Pie 'N Mash with Liquor Pie 5 pounds short crust pastry 8 pounds minced meat (don't ask, you might not like the answer, its supposed to be beef but could be ?) Mash 10 pounds potatoes Liquor (parsley sauce) 1 gallon stock/water 2 cups parsley 1 cup flour to thicken Serves: One small lunchtime rush (please note that Pie and Mash shops - no they're not called restaurants, are all usually closed by 7pm) Roll out pastry.  Meanwhile cook minced meat (cheapest hamburger mince with lots of fat) add water and make sure its runny so its cooking in own gravy.  Put pastry into individual rectangular pie dishes (4in by 3 in by 2 in deep) then put in meat/gravy/grease combination and cover with pastry.  Pies go into very hot oven (400F ?) and are cooked when top is burnt and bottom is soggy. Mash: Boil potatoes until falling apart.  Partially drain then mash ensuring to leave in small and medium sized lumps. Liquor: Heat stock, add parsley and then stir in flour, or other thickening agent.  End result: cloudy green liquid that should resembles snot as closely as possible. Serve onto chipped plate with mis-matched cutlery, which you must take from serving counter to table yourself, no trays provided.  Only sweet sugary drinks are allowed, well maybe a diet cola if your lucky. Finally pour non-brewed condiment - this is a fake version of vinegar - over pie, mash and liquor. Honest, that is how its comes, burnt pies with lumpy mash topped with a horrible sauce.  And so many East Enders really do love it, including my own dear family, who I go to great lengths to provide gastronomic treats, and they would trample over them to have large plate of two and double (two pies and a double serving of mash)."